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Archive for September, 2018

Dr. Newitol Is Here To Add To Your Confusion: (21-30)

Posted On September 19, 2018

  1. Curious from Hmeret Kelboy asks, ” why did Eritrea and Ethiopia sign their peace agreements 3 times?

Dr. Newitol: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now, go, cat, go. The one signed in Eritrea was for the money (from UAE to Ethiopia.) The one signed in Abu-Dhabi was for the show: bling, bling. And the one in Jeddah was clearly because Saudi Arabia sits on the Human Rights Council and is an authority on human rights.  Now go, cat, go. (See also question 25.)

  1. Even more confused in Nazreth, Ethiopia: So, how did Lemma Megersa become a bad guy overnight?

Dr. Newitol: His police commissioner said, “I couldn’t catch the criminals in Burayu because they are hiding from me.”  He also told his wife, “I couldn’t buy the groceries because I lost the grocery list you gave me.” The birr stops with the regional president even in an inflationary market.

  1. Khelifa from Omdurman, Sudan asks, “why wasn’t my country invited to the Peace & Friendship Agreement in Saudi Arabia! Everyone know we Sudanese are very peacy and friendy!  

Dr. Newitol: Door # 1 has Iran, Door # 2 has Qatar, Door # 3 has Turkey, Door # 4 has Saudi Arabia and UAE.  You guys chose the wrong door. The Saudis and Emiratis do not like the Muslim Brotherhood and they are looking for a Sudanese to sisi Omar Albashir on his friendly ass. Also because Isaias Afwerki has to have at least one enemy at a time.

  1. Shengeb from Halib Mentel asks, “do you have any information on the arrest of Berhane Abrehe and do you expect any reaction from Eritreans?”

Dr. Newitol: My notes say he was under house arrest for a month until they gathered enough evidence about him. Then, when they did,  he was able to proudly walk to his car in his dignified clothes and he was presented with an arrest warrant. Remember, this is for a man who is accused of being responsible for heinous human rights violations involving hyenas and lions and burning 7 churches and…

 

wait, I think I have my files confused. I confused civilized Ethiopia with backward Eritrea. I was telling you about Ethio Somalia regional president Abdi Omar Mohammed. You are asking me about the Eritrean? He was having breakfast with his son at a public place, security officers hauled him to their car and nobody said or did anything. The country appears to be in a state of permanent trauma.  The Eritrean opposition is discussing what took him so long to speak up (they would tell a prisoner of war why didn’t you surrender earlier.)

  1. Andom from Adi Keyh (College of Arts and Social Sciences) asks: Abraham Isaias Afwerki (AiA) was my classmate and he had a 0.2 matriculation. What is he doing in Zalambesa and Jeddah and what exactly is his title?

Dr. Newitol: His title is “President-in-waiting.” I don’t know why this is a big deal. For the last 17 years he was being trained to be a successor and now it’s the citizens turn to be trained about him. His title, for now, is Chairman of the High-Level Joint Committee which will guide and oversee the implementation of the Agreement. This is very important for the peace and friendship of Eritrea and Ethiopia because the last time the two countries had a high-level joint committee, the Eritreans (hard-core EPLF) didn’t like the Ethiopians (hard-core TPLF), and vice-versa  and they had a bloody war. President Isaias Afwerki, a man of peace,  is wisely placing a highly qualified man in the position: someone who has no hostility to Ethiopia and, working from the President’s office, can overcome bottlenecks.  Sounds very efficient and peaceful and friendly to me.

  1. “Still say whati!ing” from Washington, DC asks, “I was attending a public seminar conducted by Eritrea’s Charge d’affaires Berhane G Solomon and he said those in prison in Eritrea are better off than those who are not in prison. Can you please explain what he meant?

Dr. Newitol: Why is everything politicized? He is talking science! The challenge in Africa is food, medicine, shelter.  And free from fear of government that will arrest you. Those in prison never have to worry about that. Out in Asmara, at a restaurant you have to pay 2 Nakfas for a cup of water. You can also do a lot of reading in prison. So, really, what is there to argue with his logic? Families are a nuisance anyway.

  1. Zrefom from Asmara asks, “I work for Red Sea Trading Corporation. Do you have any recommendation where we should base our office in Ethiopia?”

Dr. Newitol: You will need two offices. One is in the Eritrean embassy where diplomatic pouches are still untouchable, confederation or not. There is a large diplomatic community in Addis Abeba and someone has to provide the cocaine, amirite? The other is at Assosa, which has a huge farmland for cash crops (weed, khat) and it also happens to be very close to the Sudanese border.

  1. Aradom Abkeyom from Mekele asks, “in one of his first addresses to Ethiopian parliament, PM Abiye said that the Ethiopian people are entitled to hour-by-hour, day-by-day updates of EPRDF meetings. I know EPRDF had a meeting last week. Where is the report?”

Dr. Newitol: It takes a lot of time to edit out the parts that are not good for the public to hear. He is just looking out for the interest of the people. What are you, people-hater? All his talk was before his frequent visits with Isaias Afwerki, anyway, who has told him to introduce “bego adraginet” to the restless youth. And Gnbot-7, Arbegnoch, ETV all say Eritrean National Service is great so, huh, huh, huh?

  1. Semhar from Senafe says: “Man, my town is just flooded with people coming and going. My question is: are all these Eritreans going to Ethiopia coming back?”

Dr. Newitol: Coming back from what to what? It is all one big country. I don’t understand your question: are you against free movement of people?

  1. Simon from Atlanta, GA: What is going on in these pictures? I am from the South and I went home to Ethiopia and this look like something I am familiar with in Atlanta but I am trying to be culturally sensitive?

Dr. Newito: Just some youth went to a church to pray and got lost. And the nice lawman was escorting them out. In the courtyard, they lost

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